Wednesday's Morning Email: Massive Tsunami Strikes Chile

The
Every first date should include voice-over commentary by this famous soccer announcer. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Wednesday, April 2, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

WHITE HOUSE TAKES VICTORY LAP ON OBAMACARE
"President Obama declared victory Tuesday in the government's aggressive push to enroll seven million people in private health insurance plans under the Affordable Care Act, even as his senior aides braced for an escalated political battle over the law ahead of the fall's crucial midterm elections." And for your Wednesday enjoyment, here are some bad Obamacare predictions that didn't quite pan out. [NYT]

EARTHQUAKE, TSUNAMI STRIKE NORTHERN CHILE
"A massive earthquake of magnitude 8.2 struck off northern Chile's coast on Tuesday evening, causing a tsunami and resulting in multiple deaths." Experts warn that in 50 years, this could be much, much worse as a bigger quake awaits. Here are some pictures of the heartbreaking devastation. [HuffPost]

HIDE TOTO: TWISTER MAYHEM ABOUT TO HIT MIDWEST
"True to form for early April, a severe weather outbreak, including the threat for tornadoes, will be in play starting Wednesday." [The Weather Channel]

STATESIDE: Following in Pope Francis' Humble Footsteps
Across the U.S., bishops are following Pope Francis' lead: "opulence is out." A new satellite photo shows the absolutely devastating scope of the Washington mudslide tragedy. The White House continues to mull over the release of Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard in return for concessions from Israel. And The New York Times examines the rise of police interaction with the mentally ill.

In confused news, here's a cat who just can't get enough of his own reflection

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: North Korean Drones
The search continues for the missing Malaysian plane, but experts warn it may never be found. Tension is escalating between the Koreas thanks to the discovery of two crashed drones suspected of being from North Korea. Women are becoming a focus in the Afghani elections, a development hard to imagine 15 years ago. And Middle Eastern peace talks "verged on a breakdown Tuesday night, after President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority defied the United States and Israel."

In sing-a-long news, here's who we'd like to fly home with next time -- the Broadway cast of "The Lion King."

BUY! SELL! BUY! Starbucks Is Bringing Back Sliced Cake Loaves!!!
Miss your glazed lemon or pumpkin bread at Starbucks? You're not alone. Massive outcry about the phasing out of the popular sliced cake loaves has led Starbucks to bring them back. GM CEO Mary Barra said the company's failure to fix faults in GM cars is "very disturbing" in her congressional testimony on the recalls. Flying Lufthansa this week? Not so fast. An upcoming pilot strike has led the airline carrier to cancel 3,800 flights. And the Wall Street Journal argues Southwest is starting to look like the established airline companies it was founded to disrupt.

In hero news, here's two men saving puppies from a flood.

SCOUTING REPORT: AJ McCarron, Katherine Webb Engaged
In case you missed it, AJ McCarron and Katherine Webb shared photos from their Friday engagement. This famous soccer announcer's voice-over commentary makes this date beyond epic. As he points out, "Who is writing this stuff?!?" The first MLB replay review calls only took an average of one minute and 39 seconds. And here's Grantland's rundown on what the Northwestern football team's unionization means. [Image via Twitter]

In Britney Spears news, here's a wedding toast performance for the ages.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: 'Americans' Chemistry Real
Sam Worthington and Anna Kendrick joined a loaded cast for the Jennifer Aniston-led "Cake." All that chemistry between "The Americans" stars Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys is for real: the couple is officially dating after months of rumors. "Scandal" star Dan Bucatinsky talks about what he learned from Shonda Rhimes' heartless, heartless ways. Jason Stratham, Melissa McCarthy, and 50 Cent are gonna star in a spy movie, and we cannot wait for the action figures. And Drake's out with a new song that riffs off Lauryn Hill and casually mentions Johnny Football AND J-Law. Give it a listen here.

In selfie news, here's a new machine that helps you get the perfectly angled shot.

LIVIN': Cupcakes, All Day, Erry Day
Here's how to eat cupcakes for every.single.meal. Check out these wall art prints, all under $100. Here's a bunch of fabulous spring jackets. These photos of a cancer-stricken father walking his 11-year-old daughter down the aisle made us cry. And remember, if you have a really, really, really bad stomach ache, you could be pregnant and not know it.

In epic news, here Samuel L. Jackson performing slam poetry about "Boy Meets World." It's the best thing ever.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: No Inheritance for Anderson Cooper
We're hoping Lauren Conrad's purple hair is an April Fools' Day joke. Shailene Woodley rocked a white hot number for the Berlin premiere of "Divergent." Nicole Kidman said goodbye to her blond days. Anderson Cooper will not inherit any of his mother's $200 million dollar fortune. And Miley Cyrus and Avril Lavinge duked it out over who they think is more famous.

In puppy news, watch this one grow up.

TWITTERATI

@zachbraff: Nothing articulates the decline of mankind more eloquently than Vine videos.

@justinbieber: why does everyone look like my mom on twitter? lol.

@MMFlint: So here's the bottom line in Congress today: It would have cost GM 57 CENTS to replace a little spring in the ignition to save lives. #jail

@FINALLEVEL: Unfortunately I can't kill everyone I'd like too…

@KChenoweth: I wish I could type

ONE MORE THING
How long would you survive the zombie apocalypse? Looks like we need to rouse up some Eagle Scout friends.

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