Thursday's Morning Email: House To Vote on Child Deportation

The Morning Email
Still two days left in the work week, so make life less terrible with these kittens learning to walk. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Thursday, July 31, 2014:

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

GOP MOVING TO INCREASE DEPORTATIONS OF MINORS
"The new plan, described by multiple GOP aides Wednesday evening, comes as House Republicans were unable to lock up 218 GOP lawmakers to vote for the $659 million emergency funding package. On Wednesday evening, House GOP leadership was setting up a process that would schedule a Thursday vote on the Republican funding package. If it passes, the House would be required to vote on legislation targeting the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, which has shielded from deportation hundreds of thousands of young undocumented immigrants who have grown up in the United States. The House GOP language would block President Barack Obama from expanding DACA and prevent him from granting a similar reprieve to other immigrants here illegally. The administration is actively considering executive action on deportations, and a final decision is expected by the end of the summer." [Politico]

ISRAEL CALLS UP ANOTHER 16,000 SOLDIERS
"Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Thursday that Israel will destroy the Hamas tunnel network in the Gaza Strip 'with or without a cease-fire,' as the military called up another 16,000 reservists to pursue its campaign in the densely-populated territory. Netanyahu's vow came as international efforts to end the 23-day-old conflict seemed to sputter despite concern over the mounting death toll, with more than 1,300 Palestinians, mostly civilians, and more than 50 Israelis, almost all of them soldiers, killed since July 8...Speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not permitted to discuss the matter with the press, an Israeli defense official said the purpose of the latest call-up was to provide relief for troops currently on the Gaza firing line. However, Israeli officials have also said they do not rule out broadening operations in the coming days." [AP]

ARGENTINA DEFAULTS ON DEBT
"The collapse of talks with U.S. creditors sent Argentina into its second debt default in 13 years and raised questions about what comes next for financial markets and the South American nation's staggering economy. A midnight Wednesday deadline to reach a deal with holdout bondholders came and went with Argentine Economy Minister Axel Kicillof holding firm to his government's position that it could not accept a deal with U.S. hedge fund creditors it dismisses as 'vultures.' Kicillof said the funds refused a compromise offer in talks that ended several hours earlier, although he gave no details of that proposal...But court-appointed mediator Daniel Pollack said a default could hurt bondholders who were not part of the dispute as well as the Argentine economy, which is suffering through a recession, a shortage of dollars and one of the world's highest inflation rates...The holdouts, led by New York billionaire Paul Singer's NML Capital Ltd., spent more than a decade litigating for payment in full rather than agreeing to provide Argentina with debt relief. They also sent lawyers around the globe trying to force Argentina to pay its defaulted debts and were able to get a court in Ghana to temporarily seize an Argentine naval training ship. The threat of seizures forced Fernandez to stop using her presidential plane and instead fly on private jets." [AP]

STATESIDE: 'Frightening' Candidate
Because Republicans love nothing more than a frivolous lawsuit, the House voted to authorize John Boehner to sue President Obama for inadequate enforcement of the Affordable Care Act. A veteran political analyst was so baffled by a Republican House candidate's behavior during an interview he called her "frightening." Satanists are using the Hobby Lobby ruling to advance their political agenda -- the HAIL SATAN For America PAC can't be far off. George W. Bush will publish a book about his father. Can Chris Christie mount a 2016 comeback after bridgegate? Bakers in Oregon who drew ire for refusing to serve a gay couple are now serving ex-gay cupcakes. New York City lawmakers want to ban buildings that have separate entrances for tenants with rent control.

In confrontation news, here are some dogs who are bullied by cats.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE:
History repeating itself repeating itself: Fighting in Libya is endangering Western attempts to build a democracy there. The U.S. and E.U. released details of new sanctions against Russia. Ivory chopsticks may cause African elephants to go extinct by 2020. An uncontacted tribe in Brazil emerged from a rainforest after its members claimed they were shot at. The Times looks at a Florida man who ended up becoming a suicide bomber in Syria.

In beep boop beep news, watch a robot "walk off" an injury.

BUY! SELL! BUY!
Analysts at Everyday low profits: Goldman Sachs are predicting the demise of Walmart and Target. Snapchat, which has yet to make any meaningful money, is being valued at $10 billion. Adidas' stock tanked due to its involvement in Russia. The world's wealthiest hedge fund managers and traders probably made more money watching "Sharknado 2" than we will in the next 40 years. And Pinterest acquired Icebergs, which is described as "Pinterest for Creatives," which is such a fantastically subtle put down of people who share photos of chevron patterned tablecloths.

In cheeeeeeeese news, here are photo booth portraits from the early-to-mid 20th Century.

SCOUTING REPORT:
A "Grassroots" website supporting the Washington Redskins' name is actually run by a PR firm with possible ties to the franchise -- we still think they should be rechristened the Washington Department of Football. A Grantland writer spent two days at NBA scout school. The Pittsburgh Pirates put on a master class in what not to do with the bases loaded. And around 20 people stormed the pitch during a Real Madrid-Roma match in Dallas, at least one of whom took a selfie with a player.

In royalty news, here's a pit bull dressed as a princess.

CULTURE CATCH-UP:
The latest trailer for Christopher Nolan's "Interstellar" makes the "Contact"-meets-"Grapes of Wrath" pitch make sense (enter "7201969" in the code prompt to view it). Add some gravity to your commute with James Earl Jones' reading of "The Raven." A rundown of the best tweets about "Sharknado 2" last night. The "Dumb Starbucks" episode of "Nathan for You" is now online in all its entirety. Episodes of "Seinfeld," "Friends" and "The Big Bang Theory" stripped entirely of jokes is what we imagine television in North Korea to be like. The video for Lana Del Rey's "Ultraviolence" is the platonic ideal of Lana Del Ray.

In pug news, here's paranormal pugtivity.

LIVIN': Android Apps for Days
This Apple mod that turns a MacBook Pro into a tablet will make you the most disrupt-y disrupter in your Bay Area neighborhood. A World War Two veteran who transitioned to living as a woman scored a major legal victory for transgender couples. Samsung will release a non-plastic phone this year. Here's a scientific reason why sleeping in makes you more tired. Amazon is giving away 30 Android apps -- that means "for free" -- today.

In breaking news, here's a dog who stops in a most unusual way.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Congrats To The Beatzes
An ex-aide to Queen Elizabeth's husband has been charged with sexually assaulting a girl in the 1970s. Vin Diesel performed a cover of Sam Smith's "Stay With Me." A man alleged to have stalked Robin Roberts was arrested in New York -- as if she hasn't had enough problems. Alicia Keys and husband Swizz Beatz are expecting their second child, who hopefully will take the hyphenated last name Keys-Beatz. On that note, Katy Perry said she doesn't "need a dude" to have babies... sorry, dudes.

TWITTERATI

@tinatbh: I'm honestly the best person you ever meet. I'm amazing. My future husband doesn't even deserve me. I already want a divorce.

@badbanana: My career goal is to get suspended with pay.

@dubouchet: Interstellar 2: We've Ruined That Planet Too, Time For Another Planet!

@CuteEmergency: White Tiger cub


ONE MORE THING

If chicken wing s'mores aren't a sign of end times, we don't know what is.

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Wednesday's Morning Email: Major Errors In 16 Death Penalty Cases

The Morning Email
Happy Hump Day: Behold the Russian nesting doll of flavor that is the cookie-flavored cookie-flavored cookie. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Wednesday, July 30, 2014:

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

MAJOR FBI ERRORS IN 16 DEATH PENALTY CASES
"Nearly every criminal case reviewed by the FBI and the Justice Department as part of a massive investigation started in 2012 of problems at the FBI lab has included flawed forensic testimony from the agency, government officials said. The findings troubled the bureau, and it stopped the review of convictions last August. Case reviews resumed this month at the order of the Justice Department, the officials said...The inquiry includes 2,600 convictions and 45 death-row cases from the 1980s and 1990s in which the FBI's hair and fiber unit reported a match to a crime-scene sample before DNA testing of hair became common. The FBI had reviewed about 160 cases before it stopped, officials said." [Washington Post]

ISRAELI ASSAULT ON GAZA ESCALATES
"Israel killed at least 19 Palestinians sheltering in a school in Gaza's biggest refugee camp on Wednesday, a U.N. official said, as Egyptian mediators prepared a revised proposal to try to halt more than three weeks of fighting. Some 3,000 Palestinians, including many women and children, were taking refuge in the building in Jebalya refugee camp when it came under fire around dawn, Khalil al-Halabi, director of northern Gaza operations for the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA) said. 'There were five shells - Israeli tank shells - which struck the people and killed many of them as they slept. Those people came to the school because it a designated U.N. shelter,' he said." [Reuters]

FLIGHT 17 PROBE BLOCKED AGAIN
"International observers have turned back from another attempt to reach the site where Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 went down in eastern Ukraine. Observers from the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe set out in two vehicles without crash investigators from the Netherlands who have been trying to reach the site for several days...Safety concerns and hindrance from the separatists who control the area have kept the investigation team away." [CBS News]

STATESIDE: Drones... And That's A Good Thing
Eric Cantor is spending his final days in Congress keeping a low profile, and by low profile we mean not showing up for anything. Americans' support of racially profiling Muslims and Arabs has spiked. Martha Stewart didn't have to pen "Why I Love My Drone," but she did, and here it is. An NRA lobbyist compared gun control to the Holocaust, because the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a jerk without any perspective or common sense. And a woman pledged to become a vegan so PETA would pay her water bill.

In life news, this girl doesn't want her baby brother to grow up.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Al Qaeda Ransoms
European nations have spent millions in ransom payments to al Qaeda. Jarring photos of West Africa's worst-ever Ebola outbreak are tremendously upsetting. Looking back, 20 years later, at the Rwandan genocide and one trial that turned rape into a recognized war crime. Hugo Chavez's handwriting has been transformed into an "anti-imperialist font" -- we're calling it "socialist comic sans." An Australian flight attendant told passengers to flush their drugs, which is like putting their seatback in the upright position, but more exciting. And obtaining a driver's license in Japan isn't a quest in the "Answer me these riddles three!" sense, but navigating the country's dense bureaucracy is a journey nonetheless.

In omg omg omg news, here's a compilation of kittens learning how to walk.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Don't Buy For Me, Argentina
Argentina -- the country who just needs to borrow a couple grand because that Learning Annex class will really help its t-shirt business take off -- is nearing a bond default. The NLRB ruled that meat sandwich purveyor McDonald's is liable for workers' rights violations at its franchise locations. Amazon will invest $2 billion in India, providing the world's second-largest country with much-needed doses of insecurity and procrastination. Mark Gongloff breaks down why everyone is mad at rich people, and it surprisingly has nothing to do with Vineyard Vines or people whose first name is Bennett. And Facebook is being sued for $123 million by a user who claims she was the victim of "revenge porn." [Image via ]

In birthday news, here's a panda turning two.

SCOUTING REPORT: Super Extreme Mistakes
Looking at Stephen A. Smith and the Ray Rice's domestic violence-related suspensions is like staring at history's most upsetting Escher drawing -- it's terrible no matter how you look at it. The mother of Seattle Seahawk Marshawn Lynch -- the fabulously named Sunshine Lynch -- dropped some grade-A, ALL-CAPS hate on her son's detractors. Last night's Cubs-Rockies game was both teams' longest-ever, which is incredible considering the Cubs have been playing since roughly 523 B.C. Vin Scully announced he will continue announcing Dodgers games next year -- it will be his 66th season. Phoenix Suns' P.J. Tucker was charged -- for real -- with a "super extreme DUI," for which we suspect he'll be put on double secret probation. Oh, and here's an explainer on what exactly a super extreme DUI is.

In defeat news, here's a cat giving up.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: I-G-G-Why?
Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga are recording an album in what will be, respectively the lowest and highest points in their careers. Sacre bleuuuuwwwwwww! This supercut of Alex Trebek overpronouncing foreign words will remind you not to take the "Jeopardy!" host to a tapas restaurant. Hector Janse van Rensburg -- henceforth known as history's greatest artist -- took 50 Facebook profile photos and transformed them into portraits of sloths. Iggy Azalea will have a role in "Fast & Furious 7;" she and composite Paul Walker will undoubtedly have some SCORCHING chemistry. The supercut of Samuel L. Jackson saying "motherf*cker" is NSFW as it features Samuel L. Jackson saying "motherf*cker." And Lady Edith from "Downton Abbey" -- the PBS hit's own Milhouse -- will suffer an even more tortured existence next season, according to co-star Michelle Dockery. [Image via Bored Panda]

In cornucopia news, a scientist created a tree that grows 40 different kinds of fruit.

LIVIN': McTofu
Japanese McDonald's are debuting a tofu McNugget, which contains about just as much meat as a regular McNugget. Behold these vacation rental resources that will upgrade your vacation from trying not to focus on the starfished-shaped stain on your friend's futon *drab* to Instagraming your accommodations like a total douche *fab*. Here are the best ice cream shops in America, exacerbating our obesity epidemic, one smile at a time. Thirty-three couples got hitched at a Denny's in Las Vegas... because the Bennigan's was booked? And because floors aren't just showcases for dust, old magazines and extension cords, here's some advice on how to spruce them up on the cheap.

In petard-hoisting news, here's a fish stealing a fisherman's bait and gun.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Bieber Has Face Problems
Justin Bieber's new facial hair belongs in an early '90s Mustang cruising down the most strip club-laden avenue Orlando has to offer. Maybe Bieber's terrible facial hair *face grass* is why he almost got into a fight with Orlando Bloom. A teen's Instagram feed features spot-on imitations of Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift and others. Those photos of Leonardo DiCaprio cavorting about with a super soaker have easily supplanted all previous Leonardo DiCaprio memes. And the video of DMX on a slingshot ride -- presumably the ride is named "Stop! Drop!" -- is priceless.

TWITTERATI

@StephenAtHome: Obama and the EU have issued new sanctions against Russia. Or as it's being reported in Russia: "Putin Punches Crocodile."

@History_Pics: Imperial crown of Napoleon I Bonaparte, 19th century.


@mattkoff: in china, is "fruit on the bottom" considered "fruit on the top"?

@albz: The basket on my dinner table is a place where fruit dies peacefully and with dignity.

@NirajC: New York has a new disability symbol wapo.st/1rYrV1E


ONE MORE THING

Here's a list of the highest calorie chain restaurant meals.

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Tuesday's Morning Email: U.S. Claims Russia Violated Arms Treaty

The Morning Email
Ice cream bread is a thing -- diet be damned. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Tuesday, July 29, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

NETANYAHU: 'READY FOR A PROLONGED CAMPAIGN'
"Signaling an escalation of Israel's Gaza operation, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told Israelis Monday to be ready for a 'prolonged' war, and the military warned Palestinians in three large neighborhoods to leave their homes and head immediately for Gaza City." Meanwhile, Israeli rockets hit Gaza's only power plant, eliminating the city's electricity. Doctors in the area warn that a shortage of relief workers and high-tech equipment is proving deadly. And here's a look at the Hamas tunnels at the center of the conflict. [AP]

U.S.: RUSSIA VIOLATED ARMS TREATY
"In an escalation of tensions, the Obama administration accused Russia on Monday of conducting tests in violation of a 1987 nuclear missile treaty, calling the breach 'a very serious matter' and going public with allegations that have simmered for some time." New sanctions from world leaders are imminent "amid worries that Moscow is stepping up its intervention in Ukraine and may be setting the stage for an outright invasion." Moscow appears to be preparing for "deeper international isolation." [AP]

QATARI WORLD CUP SCANDALS CONTINUE
"Migrant workers who built luxury offices used by Qatar's 2022 football World Cup organisers have told the Guardian they have not been paid for more than a year and are now working illegally from cockroach-infested lodgings." The latest revelations come after allegations of numerous worker deaths and Qatar ignoring its own terror warning. An ethics investigation into the awarding of the World Cup to Qatar will not be finished until September. [The Guardian]

STATESIDE: OMGCupid
Forget Facebook's emotional manipulation: OKCupid admitted to socially experimenting on its users. Bloomberg's gun safety group is turning up the heat with this graphic 30-second ad. A leaked campaign strategy memo strongly implies this senator spends 80% of her time on one thing: fundraising. Researchers believe about 70% of child sex workers are sold online. And San Diego just rubberstamped an $11.50 minimum wage.

In gravity news, this dog doesn't understand slides.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Call for World Peace
On the 100th anniversary of World War One's outbreak yesterday, Pope Francis appealed for world peace. The former supreme commander of NATO argued that now is the time to step up talks with Iran. The CDC believes the Ebola outbreak will not spread outside West Africa. Two new craters have appeared in Siberia, baffling experts. A Canadian fertility clinic would not allow a woman to use sperm from a person of different race. And this video of Rob Ford on a seesaw will make your morning.

In cheeky news, this chipmunk has quite a few nuts.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Phones Are Dangerous
Here's why you shouldn't sleep beside your phone -- it could burn your house down. Collection agencies are ordering 35% of Americans to pay up. Workout clothes are where the money's at. Netflix is upping its documentary game. And the two largest online real estate websites, Zillow and Trulia, are merging. [Image via Yahoo]

In thighs of steel news, here's why water skiing is quite hard.

SCOUTING REPORT: Manning Can Dad Dance
Peyton Manning dancing is everything you want it to be and more. Looks like the Donald Sterling saga is close to ending as a judge cleared the way for the sale of the Clippers. Watching this teenager's insane dunk, we couldn't help but hum a certain R. Kelly classic. Meet the woman making baseball announcer history. And we couldn't be bigger fans of Derrick Rose after he persevered through two knee injuries, and we're so happy that he finally hit the court yesterday. [Image via Deadspin]

In talented news, this doctor gets this baby to laugh while administering shots.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Hilary Duff's Back
Ever wonder what Lizzie McGuire would sound like now? The trailer for the last edition of Peter Jackson's "Hobbit" saga, "The Battle of the Five Armies," is finally here. Kiefer Sutherland almost made Freddie Prinze Jr. quit acting. And there were some crazy reveals on the season finale of "The Bachelorette"

In feeling insufficient news, this three-year-old can play the drums a lot better than you.

LIVIN': Desk Set-Up 411
Check out how you should set up your desk to maximize your productivity -- spoiler: miscellaneous document piles dating back to 2007 don't cut it. This new site lets you send anonymous emails. NASA just changed the grilled cheese game. Here's how you can vamp up your white tee look. Learn how to love ANY job. And this easy how-to will help you hem your jeans evenly.

In sneaky news, this cat manages to steal fish from the freezer.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Queen B's Vacation
As Beyonce's vacation photos make us all green with envy, rumors abound that she's looking for an apartment -- without Jay Z. Things are heating up for Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello: she took him home to meet the family! Prince Harry proved he can out-photobomb the queen. Kate Middleton made some pretty great faces while attending a Commonwealth Games boxing match. And you too can own Renee Zellweger's Connecticut farmhouse for a cool $1.6 million.

In palling around news, this pit bull doesn't know what to do with his bulldog puppy friends.

TWITTERATI

@michaelianblack: Taking my kids to see "50 Shades of Grey" b/c I saw "Purple Rain" with my grandma and now I'm a millionaire.

@LouDPhillips: "@YMPhillips: Wallabies.
@LouDPhillips pic.twitter.com/B0Ro6KR9dR


@RobLowe: I will not rest or even eat (with the exception of fruit pies) until "So sharky" is the new "swaggy."

@shanedawson: Sometimes when I'm misunderstood by people I remember that I'm completely understood by all of you guys.

@GettyImages: 12 eerie photos of World War I blended with the present, 100 years on bzfd.it/1ApFQBR pic.twitter.com/0TNX3lFSdJ via @BuzzFeed


ONE MORE THING
These especially serene infinity pools will make for a memorable mental vacation.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.


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