Tuesday's Morning Email: White House Scores Major Obamacare Win

The
Ben Stiller is in talks to star in a Chippendales biopic. No, that's not an April Fool's joke...sorry. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Tuesday, April 1, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

OBAMACARE SIGNUPS HIT 7 MILLION DESPITE GLITCHES
"Beating expectations, President Barack Obama's health care overhaul was on track to sign up more than 7 million Americans for health insurance on deadline day Monday, government officials told The Associated Press. The 7 million target, thought to be out of reach by most experts, was in sight on a day that saw surging consumer interest as well as vexing computer glitches that slowed sign-ups on the HealthCare.gov website." Definitely was all that "Galifianakis bump." [AP]

US CONSIDERS RELEASE OF ISRAELI SPY
"The Obama administration is considering the early release of convicted Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard as part of an effort to keep U.S.-backed peace talks from collapsing, according to U.S. and Israeli officials." [WaPo]

MISSING PLANE PILOT AUDIO REVISED
"The last words from the cockpit of a missing Malaysian jet were a standard 'Good night Malaysian three seven zero,' Malaysian authorities said, changing their account of the critical last communication from a more casual 'All right, good night.'" The shift is yet another discrepancy in a search that has dragged on for weeks. Meanwhile, the pilot's daughter took to Facebook to clear up claims the Daily Mail had made about her feelings regarding her father. [Reuters]

STATESIDE: Senate Condemns CIA's Misrepresentation of Torture
A Senate report alleges the CIA "misled the government and the public" on its interrogation program. Zero U.S. troops died in combat in March, marking the first time in over a decade the U.S. suffered no fatalities over a month. A study found this racial group has the most barriers to success in the U.S. And a Mississippi death row inmate will finally get a new trial after her son confessed to the crime.

In baby elephant news, here's one trying to stand for the first time.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Syrian Shakespeare
Russian President Vladimir Putin told German Chancellor Angela Merkel he ordered a partial withdrawal of troops from the Ukrainian border. Despite the dangers, many Afghans intend to exercise their right to vote in the presidential election Saturday. The fraud charges against a top Chinese military official signal a tightening of President Xi Jinping's "authority over the army." And here's what happens when you bring Shakespeare to a Syrian refugee camp. [Image via NYT]

In secretive news, here's a squirrel who hid his prized nut in the craziest of places

BUY! SELL! BUY! High Speed Trading = Insider Trading?
On the heels of Michael Lewis' book on high-speed trading comes an FBI investigation into whether the practice constitutes insider trading. A Senate report released today accuses Caterpillar, the construction giant, with hiding $2.4 billion in taxes. State data shows GM knew the Cobalt was a "lemon" from the start. And here are five reasons Fed Chair Janet Yellen "sees slack in the economy."

In slow-moving news, here's a elephant seal pup trying to make a friend.

SCOUTING REPORT: Epic Rugby Celebrations
You know those jumbotron proposals? Turns out ballparks charge a pretty penny for such things. Grantland examines what Kentucky's success means for the one-and-done NCAA recruiting model. This poor guy not only embarrassed himself trying to catch the ceremonial first pitch, he broke his leg doing so. And New Zealand rubgy team's celebration dance makes us want to only eat egg whites for the next eight bajillion days. [Image via Deadspin]

In fed-up news, here's a cat that should double as an MMA fighter.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: 'HIMYM' Finale Fun
While some fans are outraged by the "How I Met Your Mother" series finale, we think it ended as the series started. Pharrell is taking over for Cee-Lo as a judge on "The Voice." Twitter is expanding its social TV reach. A "Wicked" movie may finally be in the cards, defyinggggg insane project delays. And Ben Stiller is in talks for a movie about the Chippendales. Watch out "Magic Mike."

In breaking-it-down news, here's a grandpa showing off his "Stayin' Alive" moves.

LIVIN': Upsetting Airline Secrets
Here are 16 airline secrets you'll wish you didn't know (You can't say we didn't warn you.). Hate that wine mouth you get after having a few glasses of cab sab? Check out Vogue's tips on turning the purple splotches into a fashion statement. Here's how to make eight unique Passover treats. And finally, here's what NOT to say to pregnant women.

In adorable news, here are puppies at naptime with their favorite stuffed animals.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Hermione Shines!
Emma Watson stunned in a white-hot number. Kate Middleton wore the same outfit to her friend's wedding as another wedding guest over the weekend. Pregnant "Today Show" anchor Savannah Guthrie is literally glowing. Kim Kardashian rocked a bikini during her trip to Thailand. And Jill Duggar has found romance through her father's prayer partner.

In all-too-close-to-home news, here's a PSA of the dangers of binge watching TV.

TWITTERATI

@rickygervais: I feel so sorry for people who have to tell someone some genuinely bad news today.

@conniebritton: Hey y'all!

@daveack20: The writers have outdone themselves for the finale, pure perfection #HIMYMFarewell

@adamlambert: I will not be defined or victimized by my orientation. Hallelooooooo!

@billclinton: I'm following my leader! pic.twitter.com/aubau3Eeng


ONE MORE THING
This kid got into every Ivy League school.

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