Monday's Morning Email: Time Nearly Out In Plane Search

The
Forget Google Maps -- Google Naps is where it's at. Be right back while we catch some ZZZ's. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Monday, March 31, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

UN ON CLIMATE CHANGE: 'WE'RE SITTING DUCKS'
"Global warming is driving humanity toward a whole new level of many risks, a United Nations scientific panel reports, warning that the wild climate ride has only just begun. 'Nobody on this planet is going to be untouched by the impacts of climate change,' Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change chairman Rajendra Pachauri said in a Monday news conference." [AP]

DIPLOMACY AT ITS FINEST
"U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said Sunday night the United States and Russia agree on the need for a diplomatic solution for Ukraine but he stressed the Russian troop buildup along the border is not helpful." Yah think? [AP]

MISSING PLANE SEARCH: BLACK BOX BATTERIES RUNNING OUT
"Authorities calculate that they have six days, or thereabouts, to find the black boxes. That could mark a turning point in the search effort, they say, which would become immensely more difficult." Hopes from this weekend's developments were dashed as recently discovered floating objects were found to be fishing equipment. One of the flight attendants' husband has not been able to explain the tragedy to his children. "I told them mummy's going to take a bit longer to come home this time, and I even promised them I'm going to bring her home." [WSJ]

STATESIDE: Last Day for Obamacare Enrollment
Today is the last day to enroll for the Affordable Care Act. A wealthy heir who raped a three-year-old dodged jail time because the judge didn't think he'd fare well in prison. Wow. The Washington mudslide death toll continues to climb. A deadly shooting in Albuquerque has led to violent protests. Corvette owners are transfixed by the extraction of eight of the classic cars from a sinkhole. And this woman's Facebook post could land her in jail.

In cutest-video-ever news, here's a bulldog puppy meeting a baby.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Korean 'Saber Rattling'
North Korea and South Korea exchanged hundreds of rounds of fire near their disputed border. The Wall Street Journal looks into a disastorous Kazakhstan
drilling project
. Former Pakastani president Pervez Musharraf pleaded not guilty to five counts of treason. And the UN told Japan that it had to cease its annual whale hunt. Swim on, Free Willy.

In awesome faces news, here's a baby tasting salt and vinegar chips for the first time

BUY! SELL! BUY! Free McDonalds Coffee
McDonalds is offering free cups of coffee to combat Taco Bell's new breakfast menu. A Supreme Court case could change the way computer software is patented. Josh Elliott of "Good Morning America" is heading to NBC sports after a contract dispute. "The Big Short" and "Liar's Poker" author Michael Lewis declared the stock market "rigged" in his new book about high-speed trading. And in case you missed it this weekend, the iPhone 6 is projected to hit the shelves in September.

In relaxation news, here's a cat enjoying his hammock.

SCOUTING REPORT:
Pass us the peanuts and Cracker Jacks: it's opening day! This soccer player saved his opponent's life on the field. A Gainesville television station recreates March Maddness highlights to avoid breaking NCAA restrictions. Grantland tackles the Kevin Love question. And the Final Four is set. Is your bracket is busted? Ours is way past the point of no return.

In science news, here's water freezing and boiling in quick succession.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: 'Frozen' Enters Record Books
The return of "Harry Potter" will be in trilogy-form; we cannot wait to freebase J.K. Rowling's next batch of literary crack. We're all dying to see Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence together again, but until "Serena" comes out, promotional pictures from the Oscar-bait movie will have to do. Suit up -- the "How I Met Your Mother" series finale airs tonight. Money flooded in for "Noah" this weekend (har har har). And people just aren't letting go -- "Frozen" is the highest grossing animated movie of all time.

In grandpa news, here's a guy explaining "wingmanning" to his grandfather.

LIVIN': Google Naps
This erratic weather completely messes with your wardrobe. Here are a few ways to rock transitionally appropriate outfits. Google has a parody site that shows you where to nap. Here's each state's coolest invention. The average cost of a wedding has risen to $30,000. Better start saving now. And wanna look cute on Sunday? Here's something other than leggings to rock at brunch.

In wipeout news, here's a pug not sticking a landing.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: BABY GEORGE!!!
Britain's royal family released a new portrait of Prince George and his obscenely photogenic family. Kaley Cuoco got a dramtic haircut. Someone spent $25,000 to try to look like Jennifer Lawrence. VH1 looked into the fabulous life of the most fabulous couple: Beyonce and Jay-Z. And Ke$ha looks great in her first red carpet appearance since rehab.

In guardcat news, this dog is terrified of his cat friend.

TWITTERATI

@Miles_Teller: So I'm watching naked and afraid uncensored and they're still not very naked wtf? Twitter facts don't count as uncensored discovery channel

@RobLowe: "@NormanGoldenll: @RobLowe How many years sober Rob??!" 24 on May 10. God willing.

@ModelToySoldier: My OCD would've had that apartment set up, furnished, and clean by Day 2. I don't do unstable clutter. #LindsayonOWN

@petewentz: Cats kind of have heart shaped faces sometimes, huh.

@MrsSOsbourne: So depressed True Detective is over!

ONE MORE THING
This is what the world would look like without lights.

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Friday's Morning Email: Russian Troops Readying For Invasion

The
There is such a job as Jack Daniels taste tester -- which means we'll have to come up with new titles for our jobs now. Regardless. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Friday, March 28, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

MISSING PLANE SEARCH MOVES NORTH
"Planes are searching a new area of the Indian Ocean for possible signs of the Malaysian airliner after a new analysis of radar data suggests the plane flew faster than thought and used up more fuel, which may have reduced the distance it traveled, Australia said Friday." The Feds also found nothing of interest in the pilot's flight simulator. CNN talks how so many sighting still have led to "nothing to see." And the families of the 1977 Malaysian plane victims warn that answers may never be found. [AP]

RUSSIAN TROOPS AT UKRAINIAN BORDER PREPARING FOR PROLONGED DEPLOYMENT
"Russian troops massing near Ukraine are actively concealing their positions and establishing supply lines that could be used in a prolonged deployment, ratcheting up concerns that Moscow is preparing for another major incursion and not conducting exercises as it claims, U.S. officials said." The Washington Post published a graphic on how this latest iteration of Russian aggression futher enforces the notion that this is "not your Mother's Russia." [WSJ]

AUTISM IN CHILDREN INCREASES BY 30%
"One in 68 children in the United States have now been identified with an autism spectrum disorder, according to new Centers for Disease Control and Prevention numbers released Thursday." [HuffPost]

STATESIDE: Mudslide Search Slogs On
The Washington mudslide search has "come down to shovels." Massachusetts is upping the availabilty of anti-overdose drug Naloxone. An Oregon mom killed her four-year-old son because she thought he was gay. This woman is organizing wedding dress donations across the country to make "angel gowns" for babies that don't make it home from the hospital. UPenn is coming under fire after concealing a rash of student suicides for weeks. And Charlotte's mayor resigned after being busted in an FBI corruption sting operation.

In squirrel whisperer news, here's a girl who makes adorable tiny hats for squirrels.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Lightning Awe
The International Space Station's shots of lightning are pretty epic. First Twitter, now Youtube: Turkey has moved to block the video site. The New York Times examines the effects of global warming on countries like Bangladesh, who have done little to contribute to the phenomenon. And some of the dogs saved from Sochi arrived in D.C. for adoption.

In awesome grandma news, here's one rocking out to "Ice, Ice Baby."

BUY! SELL! BUY! Welcome, Waffle Taco
Glaxo recalled a weight loss drug after widespread worries it had been tampered with. Blackberry's about to have a bad morning. A study just named the "happiest job in America," but we already found our dream job: Jack Daniels taste tester.

In leaf war news, here's a dog having a hard time with a leaf.

SCOUTING REPORT: Dayton Dances On
Dayton continues its improbably awesome March Madness bracket-busting run. Gotta love ex-Hoya Vee Sanford. The Detroit Tigers have agreed to pay Miguel Cabera $292 million over 10 years, because they never did a case study on the Angels' Albert Pujols. Just saying. Johnny Manziel did NFL pro day as you'd imagine Johnny Football would do NFL pro day -- blasting Drake and with George H.W. Bush in attendence. This Stanford selfie taken by Richard Sherman and Condalizza Rice is pretty great. ESPN ran an investigative report on allegations UNC academic standards were lowered for college athletes, and this is an example of a paper they found. The Oscar Pistorius trial has been ajourned until April 7.

In strugglebus news, here's a baby elephant having a hard time getting up.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Hermione New Little Mermaid???
Forget Hermione...Emma Watson could be the next "Little Mermaid." Fleetwood Mac is getting back together. The first "Teenage Mutant Turtles" trailer was released, and it's got plenty of turtle snark. Critics are happy with initial footage from the dark thriller "Gone Girl." This is what the ideal World of Warcraft wedding looks like. "Scandal"'s Dan Bucatinsky talks last week's scandalous episode. And the best part of this New York Times "Noah" review is the explanation for the rating at the end.

In brainfreeze news, here's a bunch of dogs who love ice cream.

LIVIN': Day Drinking Daze
Broke? Here are 50 spring dresses under $100. Add a pop of color to your door with these paint suggestions. Do you want to decorate around your TV? Here's how to make a gallery wall. Win an Easter egg decorating contest with these 40 awesome ways to jazz up your entries. Here's how not to react when your parents tell you you're having a baby sister. And Thrillist published the ultimate guide to day drinking. Have at it, folks.

In hunger news, here's a dog finding a way to his treats.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Bill Murray's PBR Pants
We want Bill Murray's PRB pants. Zac Efron got into a fist fight with a homeless man. Yes, that actually happened. Nick Cannon revealed his rather large black book. Joan Rivers criticized Lena Dunham's weight. Mindy Kalig doesn't wanna be skinny. And Lorde's boyfriend wrote a letter, well, about being Lorde's boyfriend.

In joie de vivre news, here's a bunch of horses rolling around.

TWITTERATI

@joshgroban: I just can't wait/just can't wait/can't wait wait wait/oh just can't wait wait wait/can't wait can't wait/to take off my pants

@JohnStamos: Whoever is reading this, you're beautiful and someone out there is crazy about u. so smile! - life is 2 short to be unhappy

@StephenAtHome: Of all the former Presidents who have been on my show, Jimmy Carter is by far the most former.

@UncleRUSH: In one's compassion lies incredible strength and integrity.

@russellcrowe: Had the coolest conversation with my Mum and Dad after they saw #Noah in NY. It is certainly a conversation starter.

ONE MORE THING
There is such a thing as a chicken glamor shot. Enjoy.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.

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Thursday's Morning Email: Obama Meets Pope Francis

The
Great news people: today is the day the waffle taco arrives. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Thursday, March 27, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

OBAMA, POPE FRANCIS MEET FOR FIRST TIME
"President Barack Obama called himself a "great admirer" of Pope Francis as he sat down at the Vatican Thursday with the pontiff he considers a kindred spirit on issues of economic inequality. Their historic first meeting comes as Obama's administration and the church remain deeply split on issues of abortion and contraception." [NPR]

THAI SATELLITE FINDS 300 POSSIBLE PIECES OF MISSING PLANE
The son of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370's pilot defended his father, who an investigator is accusing of being the sole reason for the plane's disappearance. CNN answers six questions you probably have about the missing flight and shows the most recent satellite imagery. The New York Times examines the geopolitical rivalries and teamwork behind one of the biggest aerial searches of all time. And Isaac Saul analyzes why the tragedy has transfixed the world. [AP]

MUDSLIDE SEARCH CONTINUES, 90 MORE FEARED DEAD
The tragedy has revealed a lack of historical data on previous mudslides, and researchers are scrambling to find ways to predict future tragedies. Thankfully, some have been found alive. Here's footage of a four-year-old boy's incredible rescue. [AP]

STATESIDE: Secret Service Shame
The Secret Service's woes don't end in the Netherlands; reports of a drunk driving incident in Miami surfaced yesterday. A quarter of people in this state can't afford food. A half-blind security guard at the World Trade Center says he's glad he was fired after falling asleep on the job -- so are we. Scientists discovered a new brain pattern in autistic children. Connecticut raised the minimum wage to the highest statewide level in the country. Two Boston firefighters died, and 13 more were injured battling a brownstone blaze. Chris Christie's internal Bridge-gate investigation has cleared the remainder of his aides...go figure. And urban areas are growing, while the suburbs are shrinking.

In pudginess news, here's a dog trying to squeeze through his doggy door.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Haircuts All Around?
Latest estimates put the number of Russian troops on the Ukrainian border at 30,000. Congress is rushing to pass an aid bill for the besieged nation, while the IMF already finalized an $18-billion deal. The Washington Post debunks the viral story that all of North Korea's male university students are required to get Kim Jong Un haircuts. Lufthansa has grounded over 600 flights as a strike inches closer to reality. And the general who overthrew Egypt's first elected president threw his own hat in the presidential ring.

In sleeping seal news, here's one who just woke up.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Welcome, Waffle Taco
Dos Equis just released a margarita, making it the most interesting drink in the world. The Fed nixed a plan for Citi to up its dividends to investors. Reverse mortgages may save homes for the elderly, only to take them from their heirs. And Taco Bell's waffle taco begins what we're sure will be a historic run today. Godspeed.

In peekabo news, here's an adorable prairie dog.

SCOUTING REPORT: Gotta Love Peyton
Peyton Manning asked to cut his salary, which is either a classy move or history's worst negotiating tactic. This is huge: Northwestern's football team has been allowed to unionize. That effectively makes them university employees. Nebraska's football head coach got in on a surprise homecoming for Sergeant Matthew Salomons. The NFL moved to cut down on taunting. And this hockey player reminded us that your skates need to have blades if you're going to not look like an asshat on the ice.

In paper news, here's a cat who likes groping dead trees.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Needed Emoji Update
The headlining acts at this year's Lollapalooza were released. A "Scandal" star was arrested after a bar fight. Scandal! Fans are disappointed by the lack of steamy scenes in the first footage from the "Fifty Shades of Grey" film adaptation. The "Game of Thrones" crew used a body double when Jon Snow stripped down last season. We know nothing, Jon Snow. Apple's looking to "make its emoji offerings more multicultural." The arc of history is long, but it bends toward :) . And "I Wanna Marry 'Harry'" (who doesn't???) is a new reality TV show where women compete for Prince Harry's hand. What they don't know is they're not romancing the actual Prince Harry. Shocker. [Image via Washington Post]

In brainfreeze news, here's a bunch of dogs who love ice cream.

LIVIN': Whole Foods or Trader Joe's???
Check out an early preview of Jauntful, an app that allows you to view and print maps of your friends' routes through cities. Time to up your stalking game, folks. Want to amp up the color in your home? Here are some great tips. When the sun finally comes out tomorrow, here's some spring staples you need in your closet. And it's an age old question: Whole Foods or Trader Joe's? Here's a chart to help you figure it out.

In cuteness news, here's a little girl taking her horse for a walk.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Ideal Royal Selfie
Katy Perry moved on from John Mayer in the most ridiculous way possible. Jennifer Aniston explains what made her gain "a couple extra pounds." Simon Cowell's baby mama shows off her post-baby body. Here's what a Royal selfie might look like. L'Wren Scott left her entire estate to Mick Jagger. And what can't Emma Watson wear?

In hair news, here's a bunny rockin' a Donald Trump haircut.

TWITTERATI

@BetteMidler: What should I wear to the book signing on Monday? I worry; you're not considered a professional entertainer now unless you dress like a ho.

@AnnaKendrick47: Oh, Sean Bean. Even in National Treasure I'd still hit that.

@daxshepard1: The act of changing into a different outfit each day is seeming more and more ridiculous as I age. Drawing ever closer to my jumpsuit phase.

@ochocinco: Any of my followers in Paris still up?

@FINALLEVEL: S/O To all the clowns popping bottles.. With no furniture in their crib.

ONE MORE THING
Here are the ten best sentences in the English language.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.



















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