Thursday's Morning Email: Shooter Kills Three, Himself in Second Fort Hood Tragedy in Five Years

The
Beyonce is hiring a summer intern. If this email suddenly stops, you know where to find us. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Thursday, April 3, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

NOT AGAIN: FORT HOOD SHOOTING
"A soldier who was being evaluated for post-traumatic stress disorder opened fire at Fort Hood on Wednesday, killing three people and wounding 16 before killing himself, the authorities said. The shooting set off a huge police response and shut down the sprawling Army base, the same facility where a deadly rampage by an officer resulted in 13 deaths in 2009." Here's what we know so far about the shooter, Spc. Ivan Lopez. CNN talks about the changes on the military base since the 2009 shooting tragedy. And the Pentagon is faced with figuring out how to address the threats coming from within in the wake of another shooting by one of its own. [NYT, Image via NYT]

SUPREME COURT ELIMINATED OVERALL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION LIMITS
"The Supreme Court on Wednesday struck down the aggregate campaign contribution limits, thereby opening the door to even more money in the political system. The 5-4 ruling in McCutcheon v. Federal Election Commission was penned by Chief Justice John Roberts and joined by justices Anthony Kennedy, Samuel Alito and Antonin Scalia. The decision relies heavily on the assertion in the 2010 Citizens United ruling that influence and access are not a corruption concern." The Washington Post breaks down via infographic how much money this could mean for future election cycles. [HuffPost]

MIDWEST STILL UNDER TORNADO WATCH
Baseball sized hail fell on the Midwest yesterday, and the area is on high alert for tornadoes today. [The Weather Channel]

STATESIDE: Delta Flight Lands in Grass at JFK
States move on toxic chemical reform as Congress lags behind on passing anything. Surprise, surprise. Charles Koch is tired of people calling him "un-American." A Delta plane made an emergency landing in the grass at JFK International Airport last night. And on her first day, this 911 operator saved her father's life.

In superhero news, here's a cat who basically can fly.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Putin's Officially Single
Ladies, looking for a black belt with a case of military aggression? Vladimir Putin is officially single now. The U.S. secretly arranged to set up a Cuban version of Twitter in order to help undermine the communist government. A group of Brazilian women started a campaign called "I don't deserve to be raped," after 65 percent of Brazilians said they thought women who dressed provocatively deserved to be raped. The Australian prime minister said "But we can be certain that we will spare no effort -- that we will not rest -- until we have done everything we humanly can" to find the missing Malaysian plane. A powerful aftershock further rattled Chile yesterday. HuffPost Hiccup: To clarify, yesterday we wrote that there was a "massive" tsunami in Chile. It thankfully has since been described as small, but warnings have been issued for more tsunamis.

In standoff news, here's a dog battling a sprinkler.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Another Way to Spend Too Much Time on TV
Google's stock share split today will double the amount of shares on the market. Federal investigators have opened a case against Citigroup's Mexican unit. This chart reveals the massive gender gap in the media. Microsoft unveiled its version of Siri. And Amazon just released Amazon Fire TV, which basically solves all of your TV streaming problems.

In "Cinderella" news, here's a dog having quite the dream.

SCOUTING REPORT: Tallest Athletes Ever
Here are the tallest athletes in history. Sochi's Olympic athletes will head to the White House today. Let's hope they leave the ugly sweaters at home. The Cubs gave the Pirates a run for their money, but ultimately fell in the 16-inning game. And the New York Times wrote a feature on Jason Kidd's terrible rap turning 20. Read it.

In adorable news, here's a baby elephant sitting in a zookeeper's lap.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Bradley Cooper: Brains and Beauty
Turns out Georgetown alum Bradley Cooper isn't just incredibly good looking AND a great actor; he's also a political genius. Politico reveals how he came up with the "Between Two Ferns" skit that revitalized Affordable Care Act signups. Here's the first official photo from "Girl Meets World" , the "Boy Meets World" spin-off. New York Times columnist David Brooks may or may not have gotten divorced. Kate Winslet talks the scandalous "Titanic" scene that haunts her to this day. And get ready to binge-watch -- here's the best of what's streaming on Netflix this month. Here's a hint: None for Gretchen Wieners.

In giggling baby news, here's one really scared by her mom's sneeze.

LIVIN': 'Bout Dat Money
Do you have a LOTTA money, but not quite enough for your own personal plane (poor you)? Here's a new way to buy seats on private plane flights. Aren't loaded? Join the club and avoid living in the top ten most expensive metropolitan areas. Check out nine cocktails that are more interesting than the ones you're currently ordering. And here's the seven fashion mistakes you should not be making.

In adorable toddler news, here's one trying to shoot a basketball at a hoop. Except this time, it's a picture of a hoop.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Open Marriage for Gwyneth and Chris?
Cameron Diaz and Kate Upton sizzle at the premiere of "The Other Woman." Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin reportedly had an open marriage. Natalie Dormer of "Game of Thrones" poses in some risque photos for GQ just days before the season 4 premiere. Emma Watson reveals who she doesn't date. Apparently, you guys might have a better shot than you thought. And stop the presses: Beyonce is hiring a summer intern. [Image via The Cut]

In Harry Potter news, here's a man who went looking for a bezoar and instead found a baby porcupine.

TWITTERATI

@PhillyD: The ladies call me Netflix. Cuz I keep them up all night in bed... #NerdPickupLines

@StephenAtHome: A study found that popular kids are more likely to be bullied. Makes sense. Even bullies don't want to be caught hanging around losers.

@WilliamShatner: So tomorrow...another delicious day! It's National Chocolate Mousse Day!

@KevinHart4real: I just farted...this cleanse is making my ass explode!!!! I can't stop using the bathroom lmao....Help me baby Jesus...HEEEELLLLPPP

@lordemusic: i feel like this is a great comeback shot 4 when i next read some smack being talked about me on twitter #byeeee # pic.twitter.com/fIOra6o08a


ONE MORE THING
Check out where all the people in the Big Apple are from originally.

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Wednesday's Morning Email: Massive Tsunami Strikes Chile

The
Every first date should include voice-over commentary by this famous soccer announcer. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Wednesday, April 2, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

WHITE HOUSE TAKES VICTORY LAP ON OBAMACARE
"President Obama declared victory Tuesday in the government's aggressive push to enroll seven million people in private health insurance plans under the Affordable Care Act, even as his senior aides braced for an escalated political battle over the law ahead of the fall's crucial midterm elections." And for your Wednesday enjoyment, here are some bad Obamacare predictions that didn't quite pan out. [NYT]

EARTHQUAKE, TSUNAMI STRIKE NORTHERN CHILE
"A massive earthquake of magnitude 8.2 struck off northern Chile's coast on Tuesday evening, causing a tsunami and resulting in multiple deaths." Experts warn that in 50 years, this could be much, much worse as a bigger quake awaits. Here are some pictures of the heartbreaking devastation. [HuffPost]

HIDE TOTO: TWISTER MAYHEM ABOUT TO HIT MIDWEST
"True to form for early April, a severe weather outbreak, including the threat for tornadoes, will be in play starting Wednesday." [The Weather Channel]

STATESIDE: Following in Pope Francis' Humble Footsteps
Across the U.S., bishops are following Pope Francis' lead: "opulence is out." A new satellite photo shows the absolutely devastating scope of the Washington mudslide tragedy. The White House continues to mull over the release of Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard in return for concessions from Israel. And The New York Times examines the rise of police interaction with the mentally ill.

In confused news, here's a cat who just can't get enough of his own reflection

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: North Korean Drones
The search continues for the missing Malaysian plane, but experts warn it may never be found. Tension is escalating between the Koreas thanks to the discovery of two crashed drones suspected of being from North Korea. Women are becoming a focus in the Afghani elections, a development hard to imagine 15 years ago. And Middle Eastern peace talks "verged on a breakdown Tuesday night, after President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority defied the United States and Israel."

In sing-a-long news, here's who we'd like to fly home with next time -- the Broadway cast of "The Lion King."

BUY! SELL! BUY! Starbucks Is Bringing Back Sliced Cake Loaves!!!
Miss your glazed lemon or pumpkin bread at Starbucks? You're not alone. Massive outcry about the phasing out of the popular sliced cake loaves has led Starbucks to bring them back. GM CEO Mary Barra said the company's failure to fix faults in GM cars is "very disturbing" in her congressional testimony on the recalls. Flying Lufthansa this week? Not so fast. An upcoming pilot strike has led the airline carrier to cancel 3,800 flights. And the Wall Street Journal argues Southwest is starting to look like the established airline companies it was founded to disrupt.

In hero news, here's two men saving puppies from a flood.

SCOUTING REPORT: AJ McCarron, Katherine Webb Engaged
In case you missed it, AJ McCarron and Katherine Webb shared photos from their Friday engagement. This famous soccer announcer's voice-over commentary makes this date beyond epic. As he points out, "Who is writing this stuff?!?" The first MLB replay review calls only took an average of one minute and 39 seconds. And here's Grantland's rundown on what the Northwestern football team's unionization means. [Image via Twitter]

In Britney Spears news, here's a wedding toast performance for the ages.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: 'Americans' Chemistry Real
Sam Worthington and Anna Kendrick joined a loaded cast for the Jennifer Aniston-led "Cake." All that chemistry between "The Americans" stars Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys is for real: the couple is officially dating after months of rumors. "Scandal" star Dan Bucatinsky talks about what he learned from Shonda Rhimes' heartless, heartless ways. Jason Stratham, Melissa McCarthy, and 50 Cent are gonna star in a spy movie, and we cannot wait for the action figures. And Drake's out with a new song that riffs off Lauryn Hill and casually mentions Johnny Football AND J-Law. Give it a listen here.

In selfie news, here's a new machine that helps you get the perfectly angled shot.

LIVIN': Cupcakes, All Day, Erry Day
Here's how to eat cupcakes for every.single.meal. Check out these wall art prints, all under $100. Here's a bunch of fabulous spring jackets. These photos of a cancer-stricken father walking his 11-year-old daughter down the aisle made us cry. And remember, if you have a really, really, really bad stomach ache, you could be pregnant and not know it.

In epic news, here Samuel L. Jackson performing slam poetry about "Boy Meets World." It's the best thing ever.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: No Inheritance for Anderson Cooper
We're hoping Lauren Conrad's purple hair is an April Fools' Day joke. Shailene Woodley rocked a white hot number for the Berlin premiere of "Divergent." Nicole Kidman said goodbye to her blond days. Anderson Cooper will not inherit any of his mother's $200 million dollar fortune. And Miley Cyrus and Avril Lavinge duked it out over who they think is more famous.

In puppy news, watch this one grow up.

TWITTERATI

@zachbraff: Nothing articulates the decline of mankind more eloquently than Vine videos.

@justinbieber: why does everyone look like my mom on twitter? lol.

@MMFlint: So here's the bottom line in Congress today: It would have cost GM 57 CENTS to replace a little spring in the ignition to save lives. #jail

@FINALLEVEL: Unfortunately I can't kill everyone I'd like too…

@KChenoweth: I wish I could type

ONE MORE THING
How long would you survive the zombie apocalypse? Looks like we need to rouse up some Eagle Scout friends.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.


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Tuesday's Morning Email: White House Scores Major Obamacare Win

The
Ben Stiller is in talks to star in a Chippendales biopic. No, that's not an April Fool's joke...sorry. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Tuesday, April 1, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

TOP STORIES

OBAMACARE SIGNUPS HIT 7 MILLION DESPITE GLITCHES
"Beating expectations, President Barack Obama's health care overhaul was on track to sign up more than 7 million Americans for health insurance on deadline day Monday, government officials told The Associated Press. The 7 million target, thought to be out of reach by most experts, was in sight on a day that saw surging consumer interest as well as vexing computer glitches that slowed sign-ups on the HealthCare.gov website." Definitely was all that "Galifianakis bump." [AP]

US CONSIDERS RELEASE OF ISRAELI SPY
"The Obama administration is considering the early release of convicted Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard as part of an effort to keep U.S.-backed peace talks from collapsing, according to U.S. and Israeli officials." [WaPo]

MISSING PLANE PILOT AUDIO REVISED
"The last words from the cockpit of a missing Malaysian jet were a standard 'Good night Malaysian three seven zero,' Malaysian authorities said, changing their account of the critical last communication from a more casual 'All right, good night.'" The shift is yet another discrepancy in a search that has dragged on for weeks. Meanwhile, the pilot's daughter took to Facebook to clear up claims the Daily Mail had made about her feelings regarding her father. [Reuters]

STATESIDE: Senate Condemns CIA's Misrepresentation of Torture
A Senate report alleges the CIA "misled the government and the public" on its interrogation program. Zero U.S. troops died in combat in March, marking the first time in over a decade the U.S. suffered no fatalities over a month. A study found this racial group has the most barriers to success in the U.S. And a Mississippi death row inmate will finally get a new trial after her son confessed to the crime.

In baby elephant news, here's one trying to stand for the first time.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Syrian Shakespeare
Russian President Vladimir Putin told German Chancellor Angela Merkel he ordered a partial withdrawal of troops from the Ukrainian border. Despite the dangers, many Afghans intend to exercise their right to vote in the presidential election Saturday. The fraud charges against a top Chinese military official signal a tightening of President Xi Jinping's "authority over the army." And here's what happens when you bring Shakespeare to a Syrian refugee camp. [Image via NYT]

In secretive news, here's a squirrel who hid his prized nut in the craziest of places

BUY! SELL! BUY! High Speed Trading = Insider Trading?
On the heels of Michael Lewis' book on high-speed trading comes an FBI investigation into whether the practice constitutes insider trading. A Senate report released today accuses Caterpillar, the construction giant, with hiding $2.4 billion in taxes. State data shows GM knew the Cobalt was a "lemon" from the start. And here are five reasons Fed Chair Janet Yellen "sees slack in the economy."

In slow-moving news, here's a elephant seal pup trying to make a friend.

SCOUTING REPORT: Epic Rugby Celebrations
You know those jumbotron proposals? Turns out ballparks charge a pretty penny for such things. Grantland examines what Kentucky's success means for the one-and-done NCAA recruiting model. This poor guy not only embarrassed himself trying to catch the ceremonial first pitch, he broke his leg doing so. And New Zealand rubgy team's celebration dance makes us want to only eat egg whites for the next eight bajillion days. [Image via Deadspin]

In fed-up news, here's a cat that should double as an MMA fighter.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: 'HIMYM' Finale Fun
While some fans are outraged by the "How I Met Your Mother" series finale, we think it ended as the series started. Pharrell is taking over for Cee-Lo as a judge on "The Voice." Twitter is expanding its social TV reach. A "Wicked" movie may finally be in the cards, defyinggggg insane project delays. And Ben Stiller is in talks for a movie about the Chippendales. Watch out "Magic Mike."

In breaking-it-down news, here's a grandpa showing off his "Stayin' Alive" moves.

LIVIN': Upsetting Airline Secrets
Here are 16 airline secrets you'll wish you didn't know (You can't say we didn't warn you.). Hate that wine mouth you get after having a few glasses of cab sab? Check out Vogue's tips on turning the purple splotches into a fashion statement. Here's how to make eight unique Passover treats. And finally, here's what NOT to say to pregnant women.

In adorable news, here are puppies at naptime with their favorite stuffed animals.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Hermione Shines!
Emma Watson stunned in a white-hot number. Kate Middleton wore the same outfit to her friend's wedding as another wedding guest over the weekend. Pregnant "Today Show" anchor Savannah Guthrie is literally glowing. Kim Kardashian rocked a bikini during her trip to Thailand. And Jill Duggar has found romance through her father's prayer partner.

In all-too-close-to-home news, here's a PSA of the dangers of binge watching TV.

TWITTERATI

@rickygervais: I feel so sorry for people who have to tell someone some genuinely bad news today.

@conniebritton: Hey y'all!

@daveack20: The writers have outdone themselves for the finale, pure perfection #HIMYMFarewell

@adamlambert: I will not be defined or victimized by my orientation. Hallelooooooo!

@billclinton: I'm following my leader! pic.twitter.com/aubau3Eeng


ONE MORE THING
This kid got into every Ivy League school.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.

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