Friday's Morning Email: Russian Troops Readying For Invasion

By Lauren Weber with Eliot Nelson

There is such a job as Jack Daniels taste tester -- which means we'll have to come up with new titles for our jobs now. Regardless. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Friday, March 28, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

• Russian troops preparing for a long war


• Results from missing Malaysian Airlines' pilot's flight simulator furthers mystery


• Next up for Hermione: playing Ariel in "The Little Mermaid"?

TOP STORIES

MISSING PLANE SEARCH MOVES NORTH
"Planes are searching a new area of the Indian Ocean for possible signs of the Malaysian airliner after a new analysis of radar data suggests the plane flew faster than thought and used up more fuel, which may have reduced the distance it traveled, Australia said Friday." The Feds also found nothing of interest in the pilot's flight simulator. CNN talks how so many sighting still have led to "nothing to see." And the families of the 1977 Malaysian plane victims warn that answers may never be found. [AP]

RUSSIAN TROOPS AT UKRAINIAN BORDER PREPARING FOR PROLONGED DEPLOYMENT
"Russian troops massing near Ukraine are actively concealing their positions and establishing supply lines that could be used in a prolonged deployment, ratcheting up concerns that Moscow is preparing for another major incursion and not conducting exercises as it claims, U.S. officials said." The Washington Post published a graphic on how this latest iteration of Russian aggression futher enforces the notion that this is "not your Mother's Russia." [WSJ]

AUTISM IN CHILDREN INCREASES BY 30%
"One in 68 children in the United States have now been identified with an autism spectrum disorder, according to new Centers for Disease Control and Prevention numbers released Thursday." [HuffPost]

STATESIDE: Mudslide Search Slogs On
The Washington mudslide search has "come down to shovels." Massachusetts is upping the availabilty of anti-overdose drug Naloxone. An Oregon mom killed her four-year-old son because she thought he was gay. This woman is organizing wedding dress donations across the country to make "angel gowns" for babies that don't make it home from the hospital. UPenn is coming under fire after concealing a rash of student suicides for weeks. And Charlotte's mayor resigned after being busted in an FBI corruption sting operation.

In squirrel whisperer news, here's a girl who makes adorable tiny hats for squirrels.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Lightning Awe
The International Space Station's shots of lightning are pretty epic. First Twitter, now Youtube: Turkey has moved to block the video site. The New York Times examines the effects of global warming on countries like Bangladesh, who have done little to contribute to the phenomenon. And some of the dogs saved from Sochi arrived in D.C. for adoption.

In awesome grandma news, here's one rocking out to "Ice, Ice Baby."

BUY! SELL! BUY! Welcome, Waffle Taco
Glaxo recalled a weight loss drug after widespread worries it had been tampered with. Blackberry's about to have a bad morning. A study just named the "happiest job in America," but we already found our dream job: Jack Daniels taste tester.

In leaf war news, here's a dog having a hard time with a leaf.

SCOUTING REPORT: Dayton Dances On
Dayton continues its improbably awesome March Madness bracket-busting run. Gotta love ex-Hoya Vee Sanford. The Detroit Tigers have agreed to pay Miguel Cabera $292 million over 10 years, because they never did a case study on the Angels' Albert Pujols. Just saying. Johnny Manziel did NFL pro day as you'd imagine Johnny Football would do NFL pro day -- blasting Drake and with George H.W. Bush in attendence. This Stanford selfie taken by Richard Sherman and Condalizza Rice is pretty great. ESPN ran an investigative report on allegations UNC academic standards were lowered for college athletes, and this is an example of a paper they found. The Oscar Pistorius trial has been ajourned until April 7.

In strugglebus news, here's a baby elephant having a hard time getting up.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Hermione New Little Mermaid???
Forget Hermione...Emma Watson could be the next "Little Mermaid." Fleetwood Mac is getting back together. The first "Teenage Mutant Turtles" trailer was released, and it's got plenty of turtle snark. Critics are happy with initial footage from the dark thriller "Gone Girl." This is what the ideal World of Warcraft wedding looks like. "Scandal"'s Dan Bucatinsky talks last week's scandalous episode. And the best part of this New York Times "Noah" review is the explanation for the rating at the end.

In brainfreeze news, here's a bunch of dogs who love ice cream.

LIVIN': Day Drinking Daze
Broke? Here are 50 spring dresses under $100. Add a pop of color to your door with these paint suggestions. Do you want to decorate around your TV? Here's how to make a gallery wall. Win an Easter egg decorating contest with these 40 awesome ways to jazz up your entries. Here's how not to react when your parents tell you you're having a baby sister. And Thrillist published the ultimate guide to day drinking. Have at it, folks.

In hunger news, here's a dog finding a way to his treats.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Bill Murray's PBR Pants
We want Bill Murray's PRB pants. Zac Efron got into a fist fight with a homeless man. Yes, that actually happened. Nick Cannon revealed his rather large black book. Joan Rivers criticized Lena Dunham's weight. Mindy Kalig doesn't wanna be skinny. And Lorde's boyfriend wrote a letter, well, about being Lorde's boyfriend.

In joie de vivre news, here's a bunch of horses rolling around.

TWITTERATI

@joshgroban: I just can't wait/just can't wait/can't wait wait wait/oh just can't wait wait wait/can't wait can't wait/to take off my pants

@JohnStamos: Whoever is reading this, you're beautiful and someone out there is crazy about u. so smile! - life is 2 short to be unhappy

@StephenAtHome: Of all the former Presidents who have been on my show, Jimmy Carter is by far the most former.

@UncleRUSH: In one's compassion lies incredible strength and integrity.

@russellcrowe: Had the coolest conversation with my Mum and Dad after they saw #Noah in NY. It is certainly a conversation starter.

ONE MORE THING
There is such a thing as a chicken glamor shot. Enjoy.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.

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Thursday's Morning Email: Obama Meets Pope Francis

By Lauren Weber with Eliot Nelson

Great news people: today is the day the waffle taco arrives. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Thursday, March 27, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

• Pope Francis and Obama's meet-and-greet


• Missing plane investigator blames one person


• New footage from the "50 Shades of Grey" film has provoked strong responses

TOP STORIES

OBAMA, POPE FRANCIS MEET FOR FIRST TIME
"President Barack Obama called himself a "great admirer" of Pope Francis as he sat down at the Vatican Thursday with the pontiff he considers a kindred spirit on issues of economic inequality. Their historic first meeting comes as Obama's administration and the church remain deeply split on issues of abortion and contraception." [NPR]

THAI SATELLITE FINDS 300 POSSIBLE PIECES OF MISSING PLANE
The son of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370's pilot defended his father, who an investigator is accusing of being the sole reason for the plane's disappearance. CNN answers six questions you probably have about the missing flight and shows the most recent satellite imagery. The New York Times examines the geopolitical rivalries and teamwork behind one of the biggest aerial searches of all time. And Isaac Saul analyzes why the tragedy has transfixed the world. [AP]

MUDSLIDE SEARCH CONTINUES, 90 MORE FEARED DEAD
The tragedy has revealed a lack of historical data on previous mudslides, and researchers are scrambling to find ways to predict future tragedies. Thankfully, some have been found alive. Here's footage of a four-year-old boy's incredible rescue. [AP]

STATESIDE: Secret Service Shame
The Secret Service's woes don't end in the Netherlands; reports of a drunk driving incident in Miami surfaced yesterday. A quarter of people in this state can't afford food. A half-blind security guard at the World Trade Center says he's glad he was fired after falling asleep on the job -- so are we. Scientists discovered a new brain pattern in autistic children. Connecticut raised the minimum wage to the highest statewide level in the country. Two Boston firefighters died, and 13 more were injured battling a brownstone blaze. Chris Christie's internal Bridge-gate investigation has cleared the remainder of his aides...go figure. And urban areas are growing, while the suburbs are shrinking.

In pudginess news, here's a dog trying to squeeze through his doggy door.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Haircuts All Around?
Latest estimates put the number of Russian troops on the Ukrainian border at 30,000. Congress is rushing to pass an aid bill for the besieged nation, while the IMF already finalized an $18-billion deal. The Washington Post debunks the viral story that all of North Korea's male university students are required to get Kim Jong Un haircuts. Lufthansa has grounded over 600 flights as a strike inches closer to reality. And the general who overthrew Egypt's first elected president threw his own hat in the presidential ring.

In sleeping seal news, here's one who just woke up.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Welcome, Waffle Taco
Dos Equis just released a margarita, making it the most interesting drink in the world. The Fed nixed a plan for Citi to up its dividends to investors. Reverse mortgages may save homes for the elderly, only to take them from their heirs. And Taco Bell's waffle taco begins what we're sure will be a historic run today. Godspeed.

In peekabo news, here's an adorable prairie dog.

SCOUTING REPORT: Gotta Love Peyton
Peyton Manning asked to cut his salary, which is either a classy move or history's worst negotiating tactic. This is huge: Northwestern's football team has been allowed to unionize. That effectively makes them university employees. Nebraska's football head coach got in on a surprise homecoming for Sergeant Matthew Salomons. The NFL moved to cut down on taunting. And this hockey player reminded us that your skates need to have blades if you're going to not look like an asshat on the ice.

In paper news, here's a cat who likes groping dead trees.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Needed Emoji Update
The headlining acts at this year's Lollapalooza were released. A "Scandal" star was arrested after a bar fight. Scandal! Fans are disappointed by the lack of steamy scenes in the first footage from the "Fifty Shades of Grey" film adaptation. The "Game of Thrones" crew used a body double when Jon Snow stripped down last season. We know nothing, Jon Snow. Apple's looking to "make its emoji offerings more multicultural." The arc of history is long, but it bends toward :) . And "I Wanna Marry 'Harry'" (who doesn't???) is a new reality TV show where women compete for Prince Harry's hand. What they don't know is they're not romancing the actual Prince Harry. Shocker. [Image via Washington Post]

In brainfreeze news, here's a bunch of dogs who love ice cream.

LIVIN': Whole Foods or Trader Joe's???
Check out an early preview of Jauntful, an app that allows you to view and print maps of your friends' routes through cities. Time to up your stalking game, folks. Want to amp up the color in your home? Here are some great tips. When the sun finally comes out tomorrow, here's some spring staples you need in your closet. And it's an age old question: Whole Foods or Trader Joe's? Here's a chart to help you figure it out.

In cuteness news, here's a little girl taking her horse for a walk.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Ideal Royal Selfie
Katy Perry moved on from John Mayer in the most ridiculous way possible. Jennifer Aniston explains what made her gain "a couple extra pounds." Simon Cowell's baby mama shows off her post-baby body. Here's what a Royal selfie might look like. L'Wren Scott left her entire estate to Mick Jagger. And what can't Emma Watson wear?

In hair news, here's a bunny rockin' a Donald Trump haircut.

TWITTERATI

@BetteMidler: What should I wear to the book signing on Monday? I worry; you're not considered a professional entertainer now unless you dress like a ho.

@AnnaKendrick47: Oh, Sean Bean. Even in National Treasure I'd still hit that.

@daxshepard1: The act of changing into a different outfit each day is seeming more and more ridiculous as I age. Drawing ever closer to my jumpsuit phase.

@ochocinco: Any of my followers in Paris still up?

@FINALLEVEL: S/O To all the clowns popping bottles.. With no furniture in their crib.

ONE MORE THING
Here are the ten best sentences in the English language.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.

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Wednesday's Morning Email: Death Toll Climbing In Massive Washington Mudslide

By Lauren Weber with Eliot Nelson

Move aside, "Lady and the Tramp," we've found an even more adorable tale of K9 love. We needed some cheering up given this freakish winter weather. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Wednesday, March 26, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt

• Mudslide death toll continues to climb


• More than 100 pieces of debris believed to be from the missing plane spotted


• Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are calling it quits

TOP STORIES

DEATH TOLL CONTINUES TO RISE IN WASHINGTON MUDSLIDE
"Rescuers slogging through muck and rain Tuesday in an increasingly desperate search for survivors of a massive mudslide instead recovered two bodies and believe they have located another eight, Snohomish County District 21 Fire Chief Travis Hots said. The announcement put the official death toll at 16, with the possibility of 24 dead once the other bodies are confirmed." 176 names are still on the missing list. New aerial photos reveal the extent of the terrible disaster. [AP]

NEW SATELLITE IMAGES POSSIBLY LOCATE OVER 100 PIECES OF PLANE DEBRIS
"New satellite images provided by a French defense firm show 122 objects floating in the southern Indian Ocean, not far from other satellite sightings that could be related to missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, the Malaysian transport minister said Wednesday.
The objects were scattered over 154 square miles (400 square kilometers), acting Transportation Minister Hishammuddin Bin Hussein told reporters Tuesday." Distraught relatives tried to storm the Malaysian embassy. Speculation is running rampant on how much money the families of the missing passengers could receive. And this teen sent a heartbreaking tweet to her missing father: "Goodnight, Daddy." [CNN]

THREE SECRET SERVICE AGENTS SENT HOME FOR DRINKING
Always good when the people charged with protecting the President have one too many. [AP]

STATESIDE: Healthcare Deadline Changed
The deadline to signup for health insurance will be extended for those that had technical issues... meaning everyone. Find out if you live in the happiest metropolitan area in the country. The White House says raising the minimum wage will help close the gender wage gap. Dead, oiled birds are beginning to appear in the aftermath of the massive oil spill off of Texas. Quadruple amputee soldier Travis Mills talks day-to-day challenges. And CNN producers were arrested attempting to expose security flaws in the World Trade Center.

In proposal news, this firefighter staged a fake fire drill in order to ask his teacher girlfriend to marry him.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: World's Most Unreliable Flight
The Syrian regime is "exploiting rebel despair" in order to make truces. The Telegraph has named one Wizz Air route the "world's most unreilable flight." Here's a hint -- maybe don't fly a company called Wizz Air. Ukraine's one-ship navy was captured by Russia. The same zoo that graphically killed a giraffe in front on visitors has euthanized four healthy lions.

In snow leapord cub news, here's one becoming best friends with a dog.

BUY! SELL! BUY! RIP Four Loko
Amazon may have just given you money after the company finalized a $166 million legal settlement with book publishers. HTC says its new phone is like a Rolex: fine jewelry for a watch phone. The next big retail group is called "yummies," which sounds like the Gummy Bear version of "bronies." Bella Weems runs a fine jewelry company that had over $330 million in sales last year, and she's only 17. Get off your couch and do something today, ok? Facebook bought Oculus Rift, a virtual reality gaming company, for $2 billion. And it's a sad day people: The makers of Four Loko were officially banned from producing the alcoholic energy drink.

In baby gorilla news, here's one meeting his mom for the first time.

SCOUTING REPORT: For the Love of the Game
This little kid looks like us watching March Madness, albeit without the torrent of expletives hurled at the television. The members of Georgia's basketball team must really know how to get down: recently released coaching rules state things like "Hicky's/passion marks should not be ever noticed by coaches. One. Not two or three girlfriends..." The NFL banned the post-touchdown field goal dunk. Because forbidding fun celebrations seems like a good way to boost viewership And Bill Belicheck said the following about the NFL not bucking up for better cameras: "Maybe we could have a bake sale. Raise some money for the cameras. Do a car wash."

In guard dog news, here's one proving he can do the job, no matter his size.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: New Indiana Jones?
Meryl Strep + Diablo Cody + Jonathan Demme = MASSIVE OSCAR BAIT. Important newsflash: P. Diddy is reverting back to Puff Daddy. Now if only he and J. Lo could get back together. Another "24" teaser is out, and Audrey is alive!!! Let the explosions begin. Our favorite Georgetown Hoya, Bradley Cooper, is in the running to become the next Indiana Jones. The New York Times details a real-life "You've Got Mail" situation: a literary desert caused by soaring rents in Manhattan. Two more doctors are leaving "Grey's Anatomy." And "True Detective" is entering Emmy contention as a drama series instead of a mini-series. Watch out "Mad Men."

In adorable commercial news, here's one with a forbidden love duet between a cat and his parrot.

LIVIN': Guide Dog Love
This blind couple got married after their guide dogs fell in love. Too adorable. Here are a bunch more ways to be productive. Good luck. Those of you unlucky in love should heed this advice on how to dump or be dumped. And when it finally defrosts out there, here's 31 spring outfits we're excited to break out.

In friendship news, here's a man who found a bud in the wildest of places: the jungle.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS: Gwyneth, Chris Martin Split =(
Emma Watson keeps rocking the Noah press junket with her incredible fashion choices. Paul Walker's deadly crash was caused by excessive speeding. Beyonce's beach pics make us want a vacation. Now. And looks like Coldplay can't fix this one: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are splitting up.

In height news, here's a dog stealing his buddy's treats.

TWITTERATI

@lenadunham: I was fine with boycotting Chick-Fil-A but this is a bummer about hobby lobby. Michael's don't fail me now.

@russellcrowe: I don't use Instagram, just twitter. There is someone pretending to be me on Instagram...must be odd to want to do that, embarrassing really

@tyrabanks: So U know when U put on hand lotion but it smells gross so U wash UR hands but end up putting the lotion back on bc UR hands are dry?

@SarahKSilverman: hard work pays off, but not as much as great work

@taylorswift13: So far this week, all I want to do is paint and all I want to paint are watercolor flowers. http://instagram.com/p/l-K1YVDvKj/

ONE MORE THING
Never a good idea to steal -- especially when it's from a police station.

Got something to add? Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber (lauren.weber@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter (@LaurenWeberHP). Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here.

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